I don’t know how to tell if I’m in denial about my eating being disordered, or if it actually isn’t that bad. Everyone else seems to be very self aware of theirs, and are upfront about it being a problem, but I’m not sure what is and isn’t normal anymore.
I know I was in denial when I first developed one. My parents were the ones who were aware of it, and I only payed attention because they were so distressed. My self awareness was at zero, because I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. Self awareness came later when I had to accept what was happening.
I’m not a medical professional and I know nothing about your situation, but when I became unsure about what was or wasn’t normal it definitely wasn’t normal.
Is there a nutritionist or therapist who understands eating disorders you could talk to? Could you possibly talk to the people closest to you about any changes in your behavior and such? I don’t really what to tell people in situations like this.
I’m sorry if you just needed to rant and I ruined it or stressed you out by reblogging this from out of nowhere. :(
I really hope things turn out all right for you.
I’m just going to chuck my answer under a read more because I’m not sure how long it will turn out to be.
If you want my honest opinion, it does sound like you are suffering from an EDNOS of some sort, and I think you and your boyfriend are right to be seeking help.
Best luck getting into therapy and a nutritionist. I know the nutritionist was helpful for me, and hopefully it will be for you too. Therapy also helped, and getting on antidepressants helped gave me the extra push I needed to break the cycle. In my experience, healthcare personal can be tough to get in touch with for insurance reasons. EDNOS especially tend to be overlooked in insurance policies. This webpage seems to have some good advice. I can’t seem to link properly, but here’s the URL: http://www.anad.org/get-information/insurance-issues/
It’s been a few years since I’ve struggled with this, and I sometimes I feel like I have a “uncertainty principle” type of mentality about it, where the more I settle into “recovery” the more distanced I become from the experience of my eating disorder; but if you ever need to talk my inbox is always open.
Best of luck. You seem to me to be very wise and strong. You can beat this thing.